Detoxifying My Notion of Failure

The Toxic Notion of Failure

Initially, I believed that the topic for January's theme of "Detox" for "One Month/One Change" would be an easy decision for me. First, I thought "I can start watching my diet more carefully." -And I do intend to make more careful choices of the foods that I consume (ie..cut out my dependence on IBC Rootbeer, Totino's Pizza, or Allsups' Chimmichangas to name just a few) but, I have made that same declaration every month of every year since I was 14.....I can surely dig deeper than that! Then I thought-"I can stop drinking alcohol"-(but, I rarely drink anymore, and on the rare occasion that I do have a drink, it is well deserved, much enjoyed ***and nothing washes down dust from sanding old furniture or the fierce smell of polyurethane like an ice-cold Mexican beer). How bout' "Completely stop smoking-for good this time"? (I AM gearing up for this one-and it WILL happen in 2010) or what about "Ridding myself of all of the negative people in my life"? (I pretty much did that already by moving way out to West Texas last year.) Whewwww!

The ideas continued and each one was just as easily shot down or justified as the one before.....

Then I decided that if I am going to attempt this blog thing-I want a BIG challenge. "What is it that bothers me the most about myself? What do I agonize privately about the very most? What do I think holds me back from having the amazing life that I dream of? What is 'toxic' in me????"

According to Wikipedia: "Failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success." So, I decided that I am going to attempt to "detox" myself of my ever-present notion of failure. I often think "I am a failure academically. I failed in making responsible choices in my life. I am often lonely because of my failure of being a dependable friend. I don't have a significant other because of my relationship failures. Because of my poor career decisions, I am a financial failure. I'm not a size 4 because of my diet failures".......I could go on and on...but, I'll stop here for now.

I am DONE feeling like a failure. I want to replace all of the toxic thoughts of failure with sincere hope and determination to have an AMAZING life story and I truly hope that it begins NOW!

Plan:

I will not tell myself that "it's too late, I'm too old, I'm not talented enough, or that I don't deserve greatness".

I will not continue to tell myself that "I can't do some things" because they didn't work out the first time.

I will try every day to be a much better friend, sister, daughter, and aunt.

I will start searching for an amazing job because I am an awesome asset to a great company.

I will take full responsibility for my emotional, physical, and financial success.

Mary Pickford once said "Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down."

I refuse to "stay down". I refuse to keep these toxic ideas about myself on constant repeat in my brain. I rebuke failure!