Take Four

I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer on love this month so I haven’t blogged as much as I’d like. That last post was extreme – I was venting but still letting true feelings out. The truth is that marriage really is a challenge and takes work – and I’ve never been very good at “homework.” I really need to pay attention to my mate and with two very young children I haven’t been doing that enough if at all.

We haven’t found a counselor – he doesn’t want to and yes that makes me mad, but if I find one he will go. We just start to get better and then I don’t look for one anymore. Instead I keep my ears open for any advice that inspires me enough to do something (this blog inspires me - not necessarily writing it but by reading my fellow blogstress's posts). I wouldn’t steer many to Dr. Phil for marriage tips but the other day he said one that I thought really could help…the first 4 minutes of greeting your partner set the tone for the rest of the day/evening.

When the hubs comes home and I’ve been cooking and the kids are screaming and the first thing I say is “here! You take the baby!” The rest of the night will probably hold that same tension. Many times he walks in the door and I'm just annoyed in general maybe because he's a little late or we didn't speak much that day or whatever and so I just don't say anything to him at all and in turn he doesn't say anything to me...we kind of just revolve around each other. Dr. P says to take the time to say “hi dear how was your day and give him a kiss on the cheek” and then talk about how stressed the day has been. Same goes for him – he can’t come in grumbling and I told him he can’t come in yelling at someone on his cell phone.

The bottom line is we both do love each other very much we just haven't had time for each other so for now we are taking those first 4 minutes. It's a start.