Although Jason and I are not yet at this point, I found this article in the New York Times, “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear” very inspiring about how we look at each other as a couple. When her husband told her, “I no longer love you,” she chooses to take a different route than I would have in that situation. I would have cried, screamed, put up a wall (mature, I know) but she didn’t. Although I don’t think her way would work for every couple out there, I think it reminds me about how best to deal with differences so they are not a relationship ending fight.
Although we don’t fight often, when we do, lord, watch out. I will scream, curse and mainly resemble an exorcism, so I have been working really hard on how to “fight” in a more constructive way. We have both been working on how best to communicate about disagreements in a respectful tone, to speak about the problem and solution and to move forward. As you can probably relate, often our arguments are less about the moment but a bigger issue underneath. Some of the smallest steps, such as staying on the current subject, listening fully, keeping a positive tone and both saying sorry, have really helped us.
I think we are making great strides in this area and are becoming a stronger couple because of it. I hope we never reach a point as this couple did, but I admire her strength and calm ability to see the bigger picture and ultimately the underlying issue at hand.
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I loved this excerpt:
ReplyDeleteYou see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
Good article. If we could all be so wise...