All you need is love?

When we decided on “love” for February I thought – “oh that’s fun and fitting for the month…let’s do it.” Then I thought to myself – “do I really want to go there?” I’m not sure I do yet. For me love stinks. The greatest love I feel is for my two amazing children. Everyone else, I could do without (well except for my girlfriends). I’ve been forced to be extremely independent from pretty early on – single parent upbringing and then on to live alone in NYC until 31.

My mother raised me to see a life where a woman can be just fine without a man (and no divorce wasn't the issue, but maybe we'll talk about that later). Every relationship I’ve been in I’ve called quits because it just started to be too much. I knew I wanted to be married and have children – or maybe I just waned the children. So I had a whirlwind romance/marriage and now I struggle with the fact that I can’t just call it quits. And let me tell you it is a weekly struggle.

This past week my husband did something unthinkable and love, respect and even fidelity have been in question. He did not cheat but he put himself in a situation where it could have happened – what’s worse? So as he eats crow I now am given the task of writing about love. Ha.

We can’t communicate, I don’t see him as my best friend anymore, I want so much more than what he can and will ever offer and yet I really do love him. I know I made the choice to marry this guy for a reason so I need to get back in touch with that. We have been given an extremely large set of challenges in the past two years so I try to be fair to that, but I really could just run away.

When I look at him and think I want to leave I do, I seriously do still love him. So…this month I’ll find a marriage counselor and see if love is worth saving in this case.