Being Me

I thoroughly enjoyed this month's theme more than I thought I would. I didn't do much different, except try a few samples of various skin care products. For now I'm sticking to my Burt's Bees in the day time and Retin A at night and absolutely SPF 30 every day. I really appreciated hearing everyone's opinions on aging. I just assumed that everyone was as concerned about it as me, but apparently not all thirty-somethings worry about wrinkle prevention like I do. I do know that as I age, I will continue to look for better and more quality skin care and I will have to hydrate my skin more. I ironically wear less makeup now that I have a child and will leave the house without it most of the time and still feel confident, so I must be doing something right. Being 36 does has it's advantages. I think aging, not just physically, but spiritually allows me to know myself more and feel more confident and that it refreshing for me. I am not as concerned about judgement as I used to be even just a few years ago. If this path continues for me then I think by my 40's I may be doing alright and aging then will probably mean something different to me than beauty anyway. It will probably be more about physical health and longevity than crow's feet or smile lines. My goal is to grow old gracefully and naturally. If I ever forget, I'll just pick up a cover of US and see what Heidi Montag is up to.

Coming Clean-VOGUE

I read this article on the airplane the other day & thought I'd share it with all of you. I put *** around the section regarding aging but, I found the whole article to be very informative & well written.

http://www.vogue.com/feature/2010/03/coming-clean/

With juice fasts and detox diets more popular than ever, Bronwyn Garrity examines their claims in search of the pure truth.

Until recently, shunning food while lunching with friends would have been considered odd, if not blatantly eating-disordered. Now, thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow, Donna Karan, and a cultural fixation on environmental toxins, the green-juice power lunch has become fashionable—as long as it’s in the name of “detoxification.”

The urge to cleanse stems from the theory that the body hasn’t adapted to modern life—with its refined sugars and flours, its cocktails and Starbucks lattes, not to mention pesticides, heavy metals, and other gunk we unknowingly imbibe. Juice fasting (with little or no additional food) is believed to rest the digestive system, recharge the organs, and accelerate (sometimes with the help of laxatives) elimination. The goal: a purified body, one free of the toxic buildup blamed for inflammation and chronic conditions such as eczema, asthma, depression, irritable-bowel syndrome, arthritis, heart disease, and even cancer. (Weight loss is just a delightful side effect—further evidence of toxicity shed.)

Though the health claims are unproved, booming sales of detox products suggest people aren’t waiting for clinical studies. With Paltrow’s help, Clean, by Alejandro Junger, M.D., hit the New York Times best-seller list last summer, and his $350 kits (a bevy of all-natural products designed to restore balance and get the bowels moving) sell by the thousands each month. For those short on time, delivery companies like Blueprint Cleanse in New York City and the Red Carpet Cleanses in Los Angeles make juice cleansing and detoxing easier than ever.

Though satisfied cleansers say that they’ve never been so pure (or so thin), doctors’ reactions to news of the growing market range from skepticism to alarm. “What frightens me is that because [the products] don’t go through the FDA, they not only have never bothered to demonstrate efficacy but they really don’t test for safety,” says Michael Gershon, M.D., a Columbia University professor who has spent his career researching all things related to the digestive system.

Gershon warns that overuse of laxatives, even all-natural movers like senna, can over time damage crucial nerve cells and in extreme cases result in a bowel that stops functioning and requires surgery. An equal risk may come from attempting to purify your system by pushing too much fluid through your gut and disrupting the balance of electrolyte salts, which can cause diarrhea and dehydration.

Here is where the science stands on a few other common cleansing claims:

You’ll rid your body of a lifetime of toxic chemicals. . . .
It turns out your body is amazingly adept at dealing with foreign substances. “If you eat something the body interprets as toxic,” Gershon says, “the liver gets rid of it. If it’s water-soluble, the kidney pumps it out.” Furthermore, toxins the body can’t quickly eject on its own (like heavy metals and PCBs) reside not in the colon but in fatty tissues like the brain—meaning all the juice and laxatives in every health-food store on the planet won’t flush them out.

You’ll drop two dress sizes. . . .
Detox cleansers boast spectacular weight loss in just a few days or weeks. Yet quickly shedding pounds may actually be a sign your body is burning muscle, not fat. Without enough protein, the body turns to muscle for fuel after about three days, which can make weight loss appear more dramatic because of muscle’s bulk. Making matters worse for cleansers who are really dieters, losing muscle mass will slow your metabolism; a return to solid food is a return to your original weight . . . and then some.

***You’ll look ten years younger***
The upside of pumping gallons of water and vitamin-rich juice into your system—and eliminating stressors like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol—is that it will plump skin, resulting in the celebrated cleansing glow, says Joseph Greco, M.D., assistant clinical professor of dermatology at UCLA. The downside is that the boost may be short-lived. And over time, a low-calorie cleanse (coupled with laxative use) can rob your body of hydration and nutrition, resulting in volume loss in the skin and the very thing cleansers are trying to avoid: wrinkles.

You’ll experience euphoria. . . .
Some detoxers describe feelings of intense joy on the more spartan diets, such as the Master Cleanse. But according to Emeran Mayer, M.D., director of the UCLA Center for Neurovisceral Sciences & Women’s Health, all animals have endorphin systems to ease trauma. That euphoria may actually be a sign the body thinks it’s starving and is trying to prevent suffering. “Animals that have stopped eating are ready to die,” he says.

Your brain fog will lift without coffee. . . .
Oxygenated blood pushes into the brain through capillaries so narrow they admit only one red blood cell at a time. Eating too much fat and sugar clogs capillaries, resulting in lethargy and forgetfulness. Vitamin-rich juices may increase blood flow to the brain, helping to explain why people report feeling more alert. But you don’t need to starve to feel quick-witted: Recent studies have found that just eating more whole fruits and veggies and eliminating junk foods may trigger brain cell growth in a few months.

You’ll cure chronic diseases. . . .
Perhaps the most outlandish claim—that you can reverse diseases—is the one that has the most science behind it. Studies suggests that heart-disease patients who eat more vegetables and fruit may begin to lower high cholesterol and blood glucose levels in a little more than a month. The catch: You can’t go back to your old ways after three weeks of clean living or the benefits will be lost.

Image & Article from VOGUE

I'm _____ years old

"I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel." Elizabeth Arden. Eat healthy. Feel young!4:47 AM Mar 25th via web

Jillian, you salty siren…

So this is kind of off topic, but it does make my bones ache so I thought I would write about it. I have started Jill’s 30 Day Shred. For those who haven’t heard of it, Jillian Michaels is a trainer on the Biggest Loser and her workout DVD is popular on the bridal and spring break circuit. I am convinced that she is trying to kill me in 5 minute intervals.

I started it this week with my “break” days being yoga class. Her workout consists of at 3-2-1 plan, 3 minutes Strength, 2 minutes Cardio and 1 minute abs. You repeat this for 20 minutes and do a cool down, easy peasy right? I can do anything for 20 minutes. WRONG!! I can barely walk or sit down, my thighs are screaming in pain and it hurts to raise my arms. The worst part is the actual work out. After about 8 minutes I am huffing and puffing and after 12 I am yelling out loud like a body builder. I have had to banish Jason from the house during these workouts because he can’t stop giggling at my poor performance. The good news is, it is working! I am feeling stronger in just 1 week and a smidgen trimmer too. I plan on following this through at least until the wedding and maybe if I am motivated until the honeymoon in late April.

Does anyone else have experience with this workout plan? Or thoughts on dropping a few pound in a few weeks without drastic diet changes?

Not So Sunny Spots

This is not my topic. It should be but it isn’t – I just don’t care that much about aging…yet. The truth is that now that I don’t have to face my biggest critic anymore – Granny – I don’t have my flaws pointed out that much. Thanks to her I have always been good at moisturizing and we did go through a big challenge of getting my sun spots on my forehead cleared before my wedding but other than that I do nothing.

So I don't feel like I add much to the blog this month but Ash asked me the other day what I did to get rid of the spots so I can give the run down from that experience because it seemed to work. Here is what we did, and it was pricey. We started with the dermatologist – he prescribed Tri-Luma and I started to notice a very slight difference with a couple of weeks. Next I had a combined laser/microderm “Skin Rejuvenation” treatment from American Laser Centers – I was already going there for hair laser (which DOES NOT WORK, at least on me) and they offered a deal on the facial. I think I noticed the most after that. I went back to the derm and he did his own laser treatment that I didn’t see much from and then I had 3 microderms. All of this happened within about 6 months. The final result was very good and I do still have damage there but it is not so Gorbachev looking and I’ve been v. v. v. good about sunscreen on my face ever since – the body not so much.

So that is the only time I’ve ever visited a dermatologist or cared very much about my skin – that was 4 years ago. Now I have this red spot under my right eye that looks like a broken capillary and when I don’t have make-up on my son says “oh boo boo mommy I kiss it” so I know another visit to the derm is in order…maybe I’ll go.

Miss Congeniality

So, I haven’t posted this month because I couldn’t decide what to write or how I felt about aging. It has really been something I think about every night and when I read all of our posts.

Aging is something that I’ve never grasped. I had to “grow up” at a very young age because of life circumstances and unfortunately, I looked like a grown up at a very young age. I am now dealing with a daughter who looks 18 at age 12. Thankfully, I kept her mental age at 12 as well but I am now responsible for impressing my ideology about aging upon her.

Though I do secretly adore when she tells me how young I am and how pretty I am compared to the other parents of her friends and when strangers remark that we could be sisters, it also starts up my reflections on the long road it took to get where we are now and the fact that I have a very little one to raise in her very big (and admirable) footsteps. You can see in my photo just how incredible she is.

I wash my face, I brush my teeth, I eat pretty well. I have no health problems and I am not overweight. I drink too much caffeine and wine, I have 13 year old stretch marks and I unsuccessfully tried to dye my hair red and it’s now a lovely shade of white zinfandel. I try to exercise, but I suck at it. I stay up too late and I get up too early.

But, I have two children who I can’t wait to wake up every morning just to hear them say “Hi, Momma” and I love spending time with my baby boy and hearing all of the wonderful details about my daughter's day at Middle School. And, finally, after all these years I have a husband who adores me and tells me so. So, I’ll keep washing my face, and doing what I do because the only part of aging that matters to me is keeping the smile on my face.

My Routine

Jessica asked last week what our skincare routines included. 
Here it is:

I have been using Retinol .5 for a year or so now and love the effects it has had on my dark spots.  They have lightened considerably but not as quickly as I would like!  When I went to the derm consult she recommended to stay on the current course I am on. I also use Kinerase but use different products than Shelly.

For eyes: Under Eye Rescue.  I have noticed a pretty big difference in my puffiness and dark circles.  Even though I always feel tired, I don't seem to always look it. 
Also side note: I read recently that when applying eye cream, place directly under the eye but when applying above the eye just put it on your bone directy above your eyelid and it will seep down naturally. The skin there is so sensitive, putting it on directly is too much for it.

For face: Brightening Serum and also the Cream. Along with the face wash as well. They have the Cream with an SPF which I will buy next as soon as this container is finished.

All the products contain N6-furfuryladenine which is a powerful natural antioxidant that helps protect DNA and proteins from oxidative damage caused by free radicals. It is still pretty new to products so the jury is still out on whether it works topically but I am definitely noticing a difference in my skin since I started using it a little over a month ago.

Two random applications that I don't consistently perform are:  In the winter, if my skin is feeling particularly dry or it is cold, I slather on Aquaphor before bed.  In the summer, if I feel like I have been in the sun too much, I slather on pure Vitamin E oil before going to bed.  Both applications leave my skin ridiculously soft when I wake up, but they are so heavy that I don't do this regularly. 

Next up...
My Vitalize Peel.  I am kind of nervous but every review I have read has been very positive.  I am just really nervous about layers of my face peeling off.  I am going to go ahead and hopefully book my appt for next week.  I want to have plenty of recovery time before Cassie's wedding!!  And my own...
(If I am brave enough, I will post Before-During-After pictures!)

Headed to My Dermatologist

This month I'm going to my dermatologist (who is a-m-a-z-i-n-g). While I'm there, I am going to grill her with some of my more pressing questions about aging skin, pricey products (over the counter vs. prescription), peels, and sunscreen. My dermatologist usually says Cetaphil, Oil of Olay Total Effects, moisturizer with sunscreen (I never do this), drinking lots of water & getting proper sleep are all I need right now. Maybe if I press her, she will give me more scoop?? Whatever info I get, I will pass along to you! For now, I'm off to get my beauty sleep ;)

Ode to Youthful Energy

My father always says age is in your mind and even as he turns 65 and the arthritis seeps into his bones he gets up super early every day and jumps right into the day head first exercising, gardening, playing with his dog. He gets it from his mother – and really this post is a tribute to her – my grandmother, the ageless beauty. She passed away 3 days after my son was born and it was one of the most devastating days of my life. She was 87 going on 27. My entire life people mistook her for my mother. Yes I strongly resembled her but she also just looked so young and she made it seem so natural. I know of trips to the Dr. for B12 shots or a little botox here and there but really I think the secret to her beauty was her boundless energy. She couldn’t sit still – she worked at her gallery all day M – F, she hosted elaborate openings and entertained clients late at night and on weekends she would brunch and shop. She was also a firecracker and kind of scary (I think Shelly can attest to this ha ha), but all of that energy that she put out there was like the fountain of youth for her. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 and when she finally had to give up working every day she started to deteriorate to her passing. Now with two kids I am exhausted, yet when I have that extra hour to nap I never take it. I just like to go and hopefully I’ll continue to go for a long long time. In my teens I jokingly started to call her “Granny” to annoy her and when my young cousins were growing up they picked it up – she may not have ever forgiven me for that but she laughed about it. Here’s to my Granny – I love you.

And now for my challenge…I realize it is almost half way into the month but I actually started this already… tackling the drawer. Granny was always in my business, which included keeping up with my looks. On our weekends together I was lucky enough to piggyback onto some of her facial appointments at some of the best places in NYC – Ling, Mario Bedescu. And at those appointments we almost always bought the moisturizer, tonic, spray. It all went into my drawer and I really never used any of it religiously. I’m not good at keeping a beauty regime – I sleep in my make-up from the day. So I’ve started washing my face at night instead of just when I shower and following up with a good moisturizer - the Ling Collagen Cream has a very clean scent and does leave my skin feeling moist in all the right places without feeling greasy. And hey, its claim of fighting wrinkles is an added bonus. I also have a Kiehls Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado that I try to put on my puffy eyes every morning. It is a routine I have to stick with and so far so good. More reports from the drawer to come…

spf 100

I'm heading to the beach next week so I just purchased some spf 100. I've been keeping it in my handbag and wearing it on my hands everyday since. I think for me, the sun, and previous sun damage is a major factor in my personal "aging". I used to be a major sun seeker, I grew up on a lake so I was out there everyday in the summer from sunup to sundown wearing bikinis and baby oil on my skin. Yesterday I went to the derma for a cancer check and she said "I can tell you are a real outdoor girl!" Not what I want to hear. I rarely go in the sun now, I wear tons of sunscreen and a hat. But time will march on...

I'm curious about everyone else's skin routine. What are you you using every day and night on your skin? What kind of extra treatments do you get if any?

I recently had a Rhonda Allison peel. I loved it! My skin looked great afterward, and didn't peel that much. The problem is you are supposed to keep getting them every 3 months until your skin looks how you really want it to, and they are pretty expensive (about $150 each). Other than that my derm told me to use dry touch spf on my face, no moisturizer needed because I'm so oily naturally, and a daily vitamin A (she prescribes differin or retin A).

One thing I'm in the market for is eye cream so if anyone has a recommendation please share!

I have some other sub - topics on this issue but I will save for another post.

Growing Old Gracefully is an Oxymoron

Growing old scares the shit out of me. There, I said it.

It hasn't always been this way. I have always looked young, felt young, acted young, and frankly, have had no intention of getting any older. I truly planned to remain 29 indefinitely. At 33, however, I am now faced with the fact that Father Time stops for no one. (Rat bastard).

Yeah, I can now see "those" lines around my mouth and eyes without a magnifying mirror. There's a weird wrinkle forming at the top of my nose. My skin is breaking out like a teenager's, and if you remember, I didn't have bad skin even when I was a teen. My sleep isn't as deep as it once was. I can't hold my liquor to save my life. (Not to mention the nasty hangovers). And I've actually had three random people tell me "I look good for my age" in the past month. For my age? What the hell am I supposed to look like at "this age?" Says who? And when I get a few more wrinkles, what happens? Will I be ridiculed behind my back, or will I continue to "look good for my age?" Can't I just look good despite the number of candles on my birthday cake?

Personally, all of this really pales in comparison to the other perils of getting old. Our society is obsessed with youth and I'm certainly no exception. At some point in my life, I picked up the notion that all things fun, exciting, and relevant happen when you are young. And all things boring, mundane, and insignificant take place when you are, well, old.

This, girlfriends, is my most pressing mission: to eradicate that belief and replace it with one that says I can have all the excitement and more from my 20s--when I'm in my 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. Even with wrinkles.

Old Age, From Youth's Narrow Prism--NY Times

When we think of aging, we're probably all trying to delay the inevidible and find our fountain, but this article from the NY Times last week gives a positive and less appreciated perspective on aging: becoming at peace with loss of loved ones and even one's own death, new-found wisdom, new boyfriends/girlfriends and of course, BINGO!

(final paragraph excerpt) In the end, there is a cost to our myopic view of aging. We imagine the pains of late-life ailments but not the joys of new pursuits; we recoil at the losses and loneliness and fail to embrace the wisdom and meaning that only age can bring. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow captured the sentiment well:

For age is opportunity no less

Than youth itself, though in another dress,

And as the evening twilight fades away

The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.

Read the full article here or click link above:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/health/02case.html?scp=9&sq=aging&st=cse

Raw Food Diet = The Anti-Aging Diet

At lunch today, I decided to stop by my salon, Bella,  for some TLC.  When I was there, I saw that they were opening up a cafe on the side.  It officially doesn't open until Tuesday but they were serving a couple of items to passersby.  It turns out that they only serve raw, vegan, gluten free food and they were serving pizza today.  I have been gluten free for several months now but have never tried "raw" foods aside from the obvious.  To make a food "raw" it can't be heated above 118 degrees, has to be unprocessed and organic.  I had never heard of raw pizza, so I thought I would give it a try.  While they were making my pizza, the owner started showing me before & after pictures off of some website of people that switched to a raw food diet of at least 75% or more.  Not only was there weightloss but what caught my eye was the fact that these people looked remarkably younger than they did when they were eating cooked, processed foods.  I decided that this was something I needed to research more.  I know myself and there is no way that I could stick to a 100% raw diet but I believe 75% is doable.  I am really interested to learn more about this way of eating.  Especially if I can learn how to make the food like I had at lunch.  The pizza was really amazing.  The first bite was a little offputting because the crust was a foreign taste to me but everything tasted so fresh that I wanted another slice by the time I was done with it.  I also purchased an avocado key lime pie that I WILL learn how to make.  The crust was made up of macadamia nuts and coconut.  I need to find out how they fuse it all together.  Project!!!!!!!!!!

ZZZzzzzzzz

I’m going on at least my seventh consecutive day of 3 or less hours of sleep. Talk about aging…the bags under my eyes could rival Benicio del Toro’s any day. I assure myself that it won’t be much longer but then I read articles about how mothers are still not sleeping with a 9-month-old and that’s 4 months away! It is a good thing that you conveniently forget these hard early months or I might not have had this one. I definitely collected quite a few more wrinkles after I went through this with my son over 2 years ago so I’m not looking forward to really analyzing the affects number 2 is having. I used to say sleep was over rated and “you’ll sleep when you’re dead” as I went on a week long bender of being out all night and getting up early for work. It seemed worth it then. Now I don’t know how I functioned. I guess I didn’t have to run, jump, slide, make paper hats and pb&js all day back then…but then again I am also noticing how less resilient I am now. Last night was the first night of my tough love approach at getting baby girl to sleep longer hours at night. First step was getting her in her crib and out of my bed. She’s still asleep in there now so I call that a success. Next step will be pushing my response time further… I’ll get back to you all on the aging once I’ve had a little more sleep!

Green Beauty Goddess in Training

Aging. Getting older freaks me out - I miss my fun, carefree 20’s. I like to think that I don’t really look 35 and that I could still pass for 25. Who knows if this is true or not but it gets me through the day. Since I am only 35 I am NOT going to think about botox or any kind of procedures (I’ll leave that for my 40’s) I wish I had done more in my 20’s for my skin…but I guess it’s never too late to start.

Aging really isn’t something to fear or try and stop and Age doesn't only have to be associated with beauty. It is also about becoming more responsible with everything, most importantly the environment. This month I think I’m going to focus on getting into a skin care regimen, getting better sleep, continue my “not drinking during the week” and really think about my makeup and beauty products and their environmental impact. And I also want to look into some organic home concoctions!

I found this little quiz: Are your products killing the Planet. It posed questions that we should all really think about, especially ingredients in our products. My quiz result is below and my thoughts are in red.

http://www.totalbeauty.com/content/quizzes/q_carbon_footprint

I am a Green Beauty Goddess in Training
You've dipped your toes into some organic, cruelty-free products and are careful about recycling empty shampoo bottles -- congrats! But there's still a lot more you can do to look great while helping the environment. Here are a few suggestions:
� After using your blow-dryer or curling iron, don't just switch it off; unplug it. Appliances like these use energy whenever they're plugged in so you'll save resources (and money) by putting them away. (Think how much neater the bathroom counter will look.) I actually do unplug it after I finish drying my hair because with naturally curly hair, there isn’t much that I do to my hair. I pretty much Blow and Go!

� Buy a cute reusable tote bag and take it shopping with you. Many brands make them in designs that rival any disposable bag. I have 3 cute reusable totes that I bought at Target and I forget them everytime I go to the store or grocery. I will vow this month to start using them again – and get Russ to use them as well. We HAVE to get away from those plastic baggies.

� Seek out brands that use less packaging. Aveda, for example, sells its compacts separately from makeup so you can refill without buying a new compact every time.

� Try out organic beauty products. Certified organic products don't use pesticides when grown, have fewer untested chemicals as ingredients and are less toxic to throw away (meaning less planet-harming chemicals running into groundwater). Plenty of brands like Origins and Physicians Formula carry certified organic lines with products that work just as well as their non-organic counterparts. I usually stay away from pricey brands of make-up…but since I don’t really use a lot of it I think that this month I will look into investing in these organic brands. They are probably better for your skin anyway.

� To conserve water, try turning off the faucet while you shave or installing a low-flow showerhead. Or take baths. (They're more luxurious and use less water.) I am going to try this month to stop shaving while in the shower. I will try and conserve more water.

� Try to cut back on the amount of disposable products you use. For a way to really cut down on waste, try the Razor Saver, $12. This gadget promises to sharpen dull, disposable razors, so you can use one blade 130 times -- much better than using twice and tossing.

The "Consult"

Today was the day of my free consult with the Dermatology practice near my house.  It turns out my vision of a consult is different than their vision.  I was hoping that they would take a look at my skin and say "OK... here is what we recommend for you and this is how much it will cost."  That was not how it unfolded.  The woman who stated her name but not her position within the practice basically went through the services that they provide.  Thank you but I was able to find all that information online.  So I tried the more direct approach and said "I have sunspots right here.  What would you recommend to treat them?"   Her response:  'Well, Fraxel would take care of them if that is in your budget.'   "How much?"  $3200 for six treatments.  Sooooo, not in my budget but I asked her to show me results of Fraxel anyway.  Amazing results but goes so beyond my skin needs that I couldn't even believe she had recommended this to me.  I told her as much albeit very sweetly.  She then recommended a peel for roughly $150.  I asked her about the cost of a Photofacial, which was recommended to me in the past to combat sunspots.  I had done some research on the procedure and I like what it offers.  They use a burst of light (IPL) that targets the damaged tissue and stimulates new collagen.   Fine lines and wrinkles are improved, along with fading of sun spots, and a reduction in pore size. Exactly what I need and I basically had to recommend it for myself.  Anyway, their price is $1650 for 4 treatments.  My damage is minimal and I don't believe I need 4 treatments.  The salon I go to offers 1 session for $225.  As someone who has been getting her tattoos removed for 7 years now, I am well aware that lasers are not created equally and I am sure the same goes for the "IPL" systems.  For the amount they are charging, I am going to guess their system is superior to the salon/spa I frequent.  But I think I am going to try the spa first if I do anything at all.  I have been using Retinol for about a year now and have noticed a marked improvement in my skin andd a reduction in my spots.  I know that my results would not be as immediete as a doctor's procedure but I think that is ok for where I am now.  Finally, my consult was not a complete waste of time because in her services rundown she told me about Dysport.  Dysport is similar to Botox in that they are both derived from botulinum toxin, however the protein in Dysport is smaller so it works quicker and the effects last longer.  Another plus: it is about 4 times LESS expensive than Botox.  I have never tried Botox before and I am a little scared of the process of injecting a poison into my body but I am not adverse to it either.  I think I am going to research it all a bit more and decide what I am going to do in that department.  So that is it for now.  I am going to start researching the Hydrafacial next which is supposed to be taking over the need for microderms.  That might be my next step.  I will keep you posted!!

The Good and the Bad...

The love wrap up, how did I do? Pretty damn good. My fiancé and I took the time to really discuss our marriage and what we want. I actually sent him my marriage post. I was shy about it but I thought it would be worth sharing, and it was. It really gave us the means to open up about our expectations, our hopes and also the work required on both parts to keep a loving and positive relationship. We did the Love Language, via Ashley, which was very eye opening (we are both #1 for Affirmation, but then he is Gifts, I am Quality time, which explains a lot.) We also took time during dinner to go over our Marriage book, full of fun questions like, how will you raise your children? (together) who handles money? (a big one but we reached a compromise) religion and politics(split red and blue down the middle). I know that we will never agree on everything but I feel pretty great about where we are heading and the foundation we have built.

Now on to Aging…hmmm…this is a hard one for me. I hate to admit it, but I might be the baby on this blog and as still under 30 (for a few more years at least) I am not really feeling the effects of aging. Sure, I get hangovers sometimes, but never too awful that I don’t want to drink. I can’t stay out until 3 am and then go to work at 8, but I don’t want to anyways. I have always had bags under my eyes, nothing new there. So I guess instead of focusing on the physical for aging, I thought I could focus on the mental and spiritual. You know, how can I be more mature, more professional, take myself more seriously. But really, that is boring and I am not sure I want to be more mature, professional or serious. So I guess I will be looking for inspiration this month and hopefully my next post will be more productive, as this one is not, sorry.

Just Add Corn Dogs

I realize I failed miserably on keeping up with posts during the month of February. But if I would have written about my love roller coaster with more frequency, you'd be dizzy by now.

As it stands, the beau and I are "on." When we are "off," I'm mostly a miserable woman. So, instead of viewing the relationship as a roller coaster, I'm comparing it to a Tilt-a-Whirl. Highs and lows are allowed, but in a way that's easier to handle and less nausea-inducing.

(Hey, at least the relationship isn't like the Gravitron--feeling stuck against a wall and unable to move any extremities).

The constant in any relationship I've ever had is: me. So, I've been paying way more attention to those reactions and triggers that are my own. And I'm owning them. Relationships are but big mirrors reflecting back all our own insecurities and issues. We either work on them or run away as fast as we can.

For now, I'm buckling the safety belt and enjoying the ride.

I'm Too Young To Be This Old!

How many times have you thought to yourself, "I'm way to young to be this old"?

I feel this way daily and I think that is because I have a mental block on the subject of aging. As a 34 year old women, I sometimes think that at this age I should be a little more mature-or hardened to the world. I still feel pretty fearless, hopeful and passionate about my future and I still have this crazy idea that I am going to have all my dreams come true...just a little bit later in life than I originally planned. I don't really feel any different mentally, than I did at 24, but when I look through pictures, I certainly see some signs physically . What I have noticed is that I can't wear short-shorts anymore ( I used to rock a pair), I need to wear one-piece bathing suits and I certainly need to keep investing in good underwear-especially bras.

There are just a couple things that bother me about aging. My mother was diagnosed in her mid-30's with a degenerative muscle disease. We know that it can be hereditary, but I think that my siblings and I are all praying that we will beat the odds. My mom is finishing up her second round of Chemo and steroids now and we hope that this disease will go back into remission and stay there. But, seeing her go through this ordeal again-20 years older certainly made me realize how much weaker our bodies get and how much harder it is to battle illness as we get "up there in age". That being said, I might be a hyper-sensitive to the little aches and pains that occur naturally, like arthritis. Gawd, I HATE it, it is by far my biggest complaint about aging. I sand a piece of furniture for about an hour and then have to endure 5 days of elbow pain. My second biggest complaint about aging is that I can't drink anymore. If I have 3 glasses of wine, I am miserable the next day. It's awful! I used to be able to DRINK, but not anymore.....where is the fun in that???

So, as we journey through this month's subject I want to make it my goal to absorb as much advice and wisdom from the rest of you ladies as possible. I am going to do some research on natural ways to help my arthritis and I will try my best to build back up my tolerance for the booze...just kidding. So here's to a great month and a wealth of knowledge from one another. Cheers!

Happy Birthday to Me (late 30's here I come)!

Today is my birthday FO' REAL! I'm 36 years old today. The number is not a big deal to me, but the physical changes aren't as easy. I have a healthy body and I'm feeling pretty good...not too rickety just yet, although I'm not in the best shape and improvements could be made at a gym (note to self--join a gym).

When I was younger, I could sleep all night and sleep into the morning. This all changed since the time I had my son and developed restless leg syndrome, but I'm trying it almost au natural these days. I used Ambien for about 15 months for insomnia and RLS, but it was affecting my mood negatively and creating more anxiety during the day so I quit it last summer. Now I take Melatonin and some over the counter sleep aid at night and it helps, but it's not a great sleep. Last year I was prescribed anti-anxiety meds (probably a result of the Ambien at night) and I used them for about six months, but I weaned from those last month although I believe they did help and they are the right choice for some people. I'm not even sure why I stopped taking them, but I just felt like I wanted a "cleaner body" so to speak. I'm still moody sometimes, but I try my best to deal with it. My husband suffers most I'm sure. I think all of this just comes from getting older and the hormones in our bodies shifting. We just have to find the right way to shift right along with it.

I got my first gray hair at 27 years old. Thanks Mom. I had already been coloring my hair since high school to suit my fancy and the season, but now it's a necessity and what started as just gray in my crown has quite speedily crept up to the front. They taunt me every day! I don't consider myself vain just because I don't want a head full of gray hair, but we can't all go Emmylou and look as good as her.

The hardest part of aging for me is the sagging facial skin and wrinkles that are all hitting their stride now. I feel like becoming a mother really set it all in motion although I probably would have begun the process anyway since I was 33 at the time. The dark circles and puffiness under my eyes, the "11" in my brow and the "parenthesis" around my mouth....if I could afford to, I'd probably go ahead with Botox injections on a yearly basis, but I'm a stay-at-home mom and I have a hard time justifying the need to spend my family's money on my vanities. For the record, I have no moral aversion to non-surgical procedures such as Botox. My husband on the other hand would not support it. My husband says I'm beautiful and that should be enough, right? Hmpff. I have a feeling none of this will get easier as more birthdays pass by.

This month I intend to focus on finding ways to enjoy (and maintain) what I have been given. I may look for a good book on aging or simply invest in some quality skin care regimen. I am sure I will be inspired by your thoughts and experiences as well. We as women are all in this together.

So, happy 36th birthday to me and many many more beautiful years ahead!

xoxo

Shelly

love in a month

February was a great month for a new-love-awareness! Looking back the blog was a great reminder each week of what's important to focus on in my own relationship. A funnier "love" experience this month was the grand ole' tradition of eating your wedding cake on the 1 year mark. Now I don't know if it's because our wedding cake traveled cross country in a cooler back in October or what, but it wasn't pretty and it certainly wasn't tasty! I was actually totally grossed out by it and haven't wanted cake since, which is very odd, trust me. So I'm curious if any of you had a good experience with this tradition. Right now I'm wondering who the hell made it up and why! (I still wish I had eaten more cake at my reception).

I blogged about my husband and my biological clocks syncing up earlier in the month (do men have one?). We finally arrived on the same page about this subject and it hasn't come up since. I think we are both at peace with our feelings, and excited about trying to start a family... eventually. But first, we decided to plan a pretty major trip to Africa in the fall. If anyone has been please let me know!

I also ordered The Mastery of Love. I haven't read yet, but I'm looking forward to it...

Last night we watched Julie and Julia on netflix. I could have done without the Julie part, but the story of Julia Child was so great! It was such a love story. Her marriage was an inspiration, and made me think fondly about growing old with my husband.

And finally, I will leave you a photo of the scary 1 year old cake (before and after):

Love, Me

I started Feb off wondering exactly what I could do to feel love and show love, as I’ve been struggling with this for years. I haven’t forgotten about it, it has been solidly on my mind throughout the past month. We have been going through tests for my 18 mo old son to figure out an illness that just started the end of Jan. What we were initially told was likely seizure disorder has now been ruled out and we are looking a possible diagnosis of a form of Palsy, due to a traumatic emergency delivery and that he stopped breathing after he was born. The also said his development, which due to prematurity we follow on a "corrected age" of -6 weeks, has now been delayed to -12 weeks. We will spend the next month taking him for more tests and assessments and will have to wait until April to know what is really happening in his little body. My husband and I are beyond frustrated, because I have seen him seize and tremor and shake now for 5 weeks with no answers and no way to stop it. My daughter is terrified and scared she’s going to “hurt” him. But, I have to say the love and support I have received from the few friends and family members I have shared this with has overwhelmed me. We are truly blessed and we will get through this, and our support system is nothing short of amazing.

Another thing that happened this month and gave me some new perspective is through the unfortunate loss of an Uncle, the family that I’ve not been in touch with since my (2nd) Dad passed away 3 years ago was reunited and it’s like we never were apart. What got me the most was this: though my Aunt and Uncle were older, they were high school sweethearts and they still lived with one another. Over the past years, his health had declined and her mental capacity had declined as well. When he passed away last weekend, she didn’t even know he had died, because she hadn’t known they were even in the same room, in the same home or even eating at the same table for quite a while. He was just a new face every evening when they sat down. Since she was unable to attend the funeral, they read one of many love letters she had written to him over the years as her part of the eulogy. Their daughter said that her Dad had saved all of them, because he knew that love for him was still inside of her and that he would read them from time to time. Man…that hit me so hard. Even if we get too busy to say it every day, I feel it and the people that I love deserve to know it. So, Shelly…thank you for posting the link on how to write a love letter before Valentine’s Day, because for the first time in my life, I wrote one to my husband. He cried when he read it. And hopefully, we won’t ever be sitting at the dinner table together and not recognize one another, but if so, he can pull out that letter and know that even though I wrote it years before, that very love is still inside of me.

MARCH: AGING

I would like to begin this month, by giving my parents a big ol' "THANK YOU" for passing on to me their amazing genes.  I descend from a long line of active Long-Lifers.  None of them acted their age nor looked it.  At 35, I think I look pretty damn good.  BUT... I am starting to notice the signs of aging that have thankfully been delayed because of my good genes.  I touched on these issues during our DETOX month.  I am just starting to feel and look... older.  I am a little more tired in the morning than I used to be, my muscles ache if I am been sitting for too long, the circles under my eyes are more pronounced and my skin is starting to lose it's youthful glow! 

I know that the key to feeling young physically is exercise.  So beginning today I am moving it up on my list of priorities.  Luckily I have a wedding and honeymoon to motivate me if "feeling young" isn't working.  Yesterday, I also started drinking Aloe Vera gel again.  I drank it consistently during my detox month and I noticed a significant improvement in the suppleness of my skin.  I don't know why I stopped drinking it but I have noticed the effect it has had on my skin so it is back into my morning ritual.  Also, Wednesday, I have an appointment with Westlake Dermatology for a free consult.  I recently met someone who I would have sworn was in her early 30's.  I later found out she was 45 so I asked her the secret and she owed it all to Westlake Dermatology.  I am not certain that I am going to get anything done (ie peels or microderm) but I am really interested to hear what they suggest.  The one skin issue I have that I have tried multiple products to get rid of are my sun spots.  They have definetly faded due to the use of Retinol but I still notice them so I want to find out some other options to eliminate the evil spots.  I have been a product junkie since I was in my mid-20s.  Due to this and my good genes, I feel like my skin is in much better shape than it should be, and I am thankful for this.  But you can't hold off the aging process forever, so it is now the time to find the right balance of life changes and products to at least slow the process down.

...LOVE...

Over the past two months working on this blog, I have had good intentions going into each month.  Big plans with big books to read on the subject of the month.  Well I have learned something about myself in this process:  I cannot read "self help" type books.  I learn nothing and they kind of frustrate me.  So I am done with them.  I will have to get my insight from other sources and I welcome any input that can be given.  With that said, I have a few books to sell on the subject of LOVE if anyone is interested??? 

I really let the ball drop last month when it came to my goals.  Not a lot of premarital education going on on my part.  I have been so busy trying to plan this wedding in a very short amount of time, that I have let a lot of things get pushed aside, and this blog was one of them.  But the only one really getting hurt by that is me.  Anyway, a couple of days ago I was driving on the interestate and saw a billboard for this:  Twogether in Texas 
Texas now offers free marriage education classes around the state. Couples who complete a class will save $60 on their marriage license. The classes are at least 8 hours long and focus on helping couples develop communication and conflict resolution skills and other tools for a strong relationship.  I LOVE the idea of this and I am hoping I can talk B into taking a class with me. 

I know that even though the month is over, my education is not.  Loving someone is different than loving your life together, and the latter takes work and communication.  I have been blessed with this amazing man and we have a very special relationship with a great foundation to begin our lives together.  I know that we will have moments of agreement and we will have moments of distance, but what gives us our strength, is that no matter what we always come back to eachother.   I guess that is a pretty good start...