love in a month

February was a great month for a new-love-awareness! Looking back the blog was a great reminder each week of what's important to focus on in my own relationship. A funnier "love" experience this month was the grand ole' tradition of eating your wedding cake on the 1 year mark. Now I don't know if it's because our wedding cake traveled cross country in a cooler back in October or what, but it wasn't pretty and it certainly wasn't tasty! I was actually totally grossed out by it and haven't wanted cake since, which is very odd, trust me. So I'm curious if any of you had a good experience with this tradition. Right now I'm wondering who the hell made it up and why! (I still wish I had eaten more cake at my reception).

I blogged about my husband and my biological clocks syncing up earlier in the month (do men have one?). We finally arrived on the same page about this subject and it hasn't come up since. I think we are both at peace with our feelings, and excited about trying to start a family... eventually. But first, we decided to plan a pretty major trip to Africa in the fall. If anyone has been please let me know!

I also ordered The Mastery of Love. I haven't read yet, but I'm looking forward to it...

Last night we watched Julie and Julia on netflix. I could have done without the Julie part, but the story of Julia Child was so great! It was such a love story. Her marriage was an inspiration, and made me think fondly about growing old with my husband.

And finally, I will leave you a photo of the scary 1 year old cake (before and after):

Tasty Aphrodisiacs…

I love food, not as much as I love my family, friends and soon to be husband, but outside of people, I love food. I love shopping for fresh produce and meats, I love cooking, I love the look on Jason’s face when I really scored on a recipe. I love the excitement of trying a new restaurant or the anticipation of an old one (god bless the Shag roll at Uchi). I love interesting tastes, flavors and combinations of both. I also love the idea of food contributing to love.




I bought this cookbook (InterCourses: an aphrodisiac cookbook) about 4 years ago when Jason and I moved in together. The photography is stunning and the recipes are interesting. Although I don't know much about if they work or not, and I don’t really use it that often as a cookbook, I love the stories that come along with each recipe, about a moment in time, the flavors that contributed to it and how all together it makes a sweet memory. We recently went to a book signing by the author here in Austin. It was in a lingerie shop which just added to the fun. I have to say that meeting the author has renewed my desire to add some spice (and love) to the kitchen.

Fighting Words…

Although Jason and I are not yet at this point, I found this article in the New York Times, “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear” very inspiring about how we look at each other as a couple. When her husband told her, “I no longer love you,” she chooses to take a different route than I would have in that situation. I would have cried, screamed, put up a wall (mature, I know) but she didn’t. Although I don’t think her way would work for every couple out there, I think it reminds me about how best to deal with differences so they are not a relationship ending fight.

Although we don’t fight often, when we do, lord, watch out. I will scream, curse and mainly resemble an exorcism, so I have been working really hard on how to “fight” in a more constructive way. We have both been working on how best to communicate about disagreements in a respectful tone, to speak about the problem and solution and to move forward. As you can probably relate, often our arguments are less about the moment but a bigger issue underneath. Some of the smallest steps, such as staying on the current subject, listening fully, keeping a positive tone and both saying sorry, have really helped us.

I think we are making great strides in this area and are becoming a stronger couple because of it. I hope we never reach a point as this couple did, but I admire her strength and calm ability to see the bigger picture and ultimately the underlying issue at hand.

1 year

This weekend D and I celebrated 1 year of marriage. At the same time we have been discussing starting a family and all that goes with it. Since my last post we haven't turned on the TV, we've looked at each other in the eye every night, and worked through our feelings. It turns out we agree on a lot more than we thought, and the whole process has made us closer. By Saturday we were laughing and teasing each other again. We celebrated our anniversary away this weekend, in San Antonio (neither of us had ever been). Sticking to the "paper" tradition, my husband wrote me a poem as my gift. I was so touched I cried right there at dinner. You have to know my husband is a linear, logical thinker. When he does something, he does it 110%. He researched poetry, read poetry, and expressed his thoughts perfectly in cursive (which he said he had to re learn). The poem is about a single feeling, the feeling he gets when he is coming home to me at the end of a long day. I'm feeling very loved right now, as the 5 love languages says, my love tank is full.

Love My Friends

Like most Friday nights, last night I got into bed early. My husband had some guys over, so I climbed into bed and watched Steel Magnolias. This movie is a favorite and always makes me think of many of my closest friends (so many that are involved with this blog)...which brings me to my Feb first entry. I LOVE MY GIRLFRIENDS!!!

I of course l-o-v-e my husband and my children more than life itself but, my girlfriends (you girls who are out there writing & reading this blog) mean the world to me. I was included into this group late in the game. I got to know Liz when we were working in NYC. Here and there I eventually met & became friends the rest of you. While I only get to see you all once a year or so but, those times I truly treasure. I love that we are all willing to go to the ends of the world to spend a long weekend with each other. The moment I hop on the plane to head back home, I'm already looking forward to the next time we can all get together again. I love that we cheer each other on. Help one another out. Go the extra mile. Forgive, forget. Make a late night phone call. Send a card. Squeeze in an extra bed. Make more room. Set an extra place. Open our hearts. Sometimes our wallets. Open our minds. Laugh more...and more.

Last night when I was watching Steel Magnolias, I wished we all lived close by like the gals in the movie. Truvy, Shelby, Ouiser, M'Lynn, Anelle...they always stuck together through the ups & downs of life. It gives me tremendous comfort to know that I have an incredible group of friends that have stayed close no matter where or what life brings. I love you all. Thank you for being such great friends to me. You are stuck with me forever.

Dearly Beloved...

Like Cassie, I am getting married in a few months.  I got engaged a couple of weeks ago and I will be married before the end of April.  Wow!  Wow...

I have to admit... through the excitement I am feeling, I am also kind of scared.  Like most of us here, I grew up through my parents' multiple marriages and subsequent divorces.  As I got older and had my own relationships, they all ended not because of a lack of feelings or care for them but because we had just "grown apart".  I would say that this is probably what most people cite as the demise of their relationships, marriages included.  I am committing the rest of my life to B, but I think the "I do" is just the first step.  So now, I need to figure out what it takes to keep a husband and wife together through the good and the bad, united, yet keeping our own identities.  What makes one marriage succeed and the other one fail?  I have no clue, but that is what I am going to find out this month.  Everyone goes into their marriage with hope and a heart full of love, but I want to go in with all my guns loaded.  Ok, that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean.  I am doing my marriage homework, starting now.

Love songs

It's funny how as soon as the LOVE month stars, I smash into one of my biggest marriage challenges so far. We are not on the exact-perfect-stars-align-same-page about having kids. I'm worried my eggs are going to shrivel up and die. He's worried we aren't going to have enough just us vacations to Europe. Ok so I over simplified there but it's helps me deal with what's happening. I know I'm not the first woman to feel this way. Breath. It's going to be ok. It always works out. This is not a 'real' problem. We don't have real problems. Haitians have problems. That puts things in perspective.

Before my husband, I have a pretty major history of dating douche bags. Each one had a glaring-brighter-than-the-sun flaw that of course I couldn't see, or wouldn't acknowledge at the time. I always thought, well I can just find a way to adapt and live with the fact that he is a flaming narcissist, or a serial cheater, or worse. So by the time I finally dumped the last one (on my own terms) I held my head high, and I knew what I wanted in a man, partner, lover, friend. And there he was. I believe that once you know what you deserve in love, in life, that is when it will happen. That is why positive thinking is so powerful. And that is something I still need to work on (from last month's theme, hmm). That along with some minor intimacy issues.

I've always been drawn to melancholy "love" music. Sometimes it's just the sounds, sometimes lyrics, sometimes both. I put together a quick playlist for everyone's hump day enjoyment. For all these particular songs I love both the sound and lyrics. Side note, I put this together on playlist.com, so not every song I wanted was available. Also, I apologize in advance for the last song but I had too. Sing it Mariah!