In...and...Out

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I smile.

I feel like I have had this on repeat a lot lately.  Luckily, I have found it successful in bringing me down off the ledge.  Thankfully...

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I smile.

I have learned a lot about myself this month. Some good and some bad.

The GOOD
I will always have people in my life that are filled with negativity.  I can control this to an extent but not fully.  With this in mind, I now know that I can fully control how I react to them.  I will say that this is my biggest achievement of this month.  And I was tested... a lot.  I was able to stay mindful and centered through out all that was thrown at me.  More like slung, really hard.  I did this with the practice of a lot of breathing.  Breathing is underrated.  Breathing is good.

My body is much stronger than it was at the beginning of this month.  With the help of yoga, pilates, supplements, drinking more water, getting more sleep, etc.  I just feel lighter all over.  I had originally felt this way when I took gluten out of my diet back in September but the feeling eventually went away.  It is an amazing feeling that I am hoping to sustain. 

I am slowly getting rid of the JUNK in the house and attempting to simplify my surroundings.  B should be on an episode of  "Hoarders".  I wonder if you can get someone on "Intervention" with only a shopping addiction.  I am going to work on a cross over episode.  I am just playing.  I love him dearly.  But when he is out of town (a lot) next month, I plan on purging.  I really hope he doesn't read this...

The BAD
I would say that my biggest "flaw" is that I am extremely habitual.  The ritual or consistency of doing something is harder for me to break than the act itself.  If that makes sense.  One habit that I have had for the past few years is that once the child goes to bed, I enjoy 2 cocktails.  They are not stiff cocktails.  Just a splash.  This is something I thoroughly enjoy.  I sit down in front of the TV or read a book and I have 2 drinks (never more).  Nightly.  In the beginning of this process, all fired up, I did pretty well breaking up this habit.  But it has been very difficult to break altogether.  And even though this is something I enjoy, the habit of it scares me a bit.  I have never been that crazy party girl or some binge drinker.  I DID have one night in high school that left me walking home in the middle of the night holding a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand and 1 shoe in the other.  After that, I actually didn't drink at all again until I was 22.  Since then I feel like I have been a very responsible drinker albeit a consistent one.  I KNOW that this is a habit I need to break.  But I haven't.  But I am aware and I am working on it.  I still feel that I kind of failed in regards to this portion of my resolutions.  That feeling kind of stinks...

So Fresh & So Clean Clean

As I sit here with my nightcap (crap it’s only Tuesday) and start to blog about my detox of choice, alcohol does not top the list (however negativity should – good one Traci!) I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl just 11 and a half weeks ago and am nursing now so alcohol is more of a “do” than a “don’t.” Or at lest a “try to.” She is finally sleeping through the night (sort of, 4am – I’ll take it) so after bedtime I’m allowed one. Now if only I could get her to take a bottle I’d be allowed two…or three . So for my detox I’ll go with a junk food ban - fast food, frozen food, food in small packages, quick, easy, on the go, garbage food - goodbye!

Typically it wouldn’t be that hard – I LOVE healthy food. I would choose the healthier option every time given the chance. The problem is I’m never given the chance. I live in the fattest state in America, sorry Texas but it’s so true, tortillas are one of the food groups here! Our house is in the middle of nowhere so I’m constantly driving an extra hour just to get to and from town and the healthy food stores are all the way on the other side of town. Within a 15-mile radius of my house are a gas station, taco stand and a McDonalds. I hate McDonalds – prior to my Texas move it was a dirty word in my vocab but now, being the only option, I get a large fry to split with my son, Hunter, at least once a week. It killed me the other day when we passed McDs and he said "mmmm McDonas." I try to cook a well-balanced meal every night but the hubs thinks the lettuce on his taco takes care of his vegetable category and Hunter wants macaroni and cheese every night (he doesn’t get it) so my support system is lacking.

As soon as I decided on my topic I went straight to the market and not the computer – so my entry is a little late but I’ve been working on it all day – in the kitchen! I have to seize the moment when I can; seriously I do not know where the time goes. So I’ve had a little time today and I’m making big batches of things to eat throughout the week. If I happen to get some of it into my son, who is two, and my husband, who acts like he’s two (did I mention a negativity cleanse would be good too?), well then that’s an added bonus. The week’s menu includes a lemon, rosemary pasta salad, black bean and corn salad, fruit salad for breakfast and I grabbed some raw almonds for snacks. I’ll be scouring the cooking sites for more of these types of things for the rest of the month.

This month I vow to make all my meals fresh – no drive through, no micro meals and no snack packs. I’m thrilled!

JANUARY: Detox!!

I wish it wasn't so, but my body needs a break.  I could blame it on the last couple of months, but in reality, for the past several years, I haven't been too kind to my body.  Up until the past year, my body couldn't feel the toll that the late nights, the processed foods and the alcohol had taken.  But 35 seems to be the magic number, because I feel it ALL now.  I am starting to not only notice it on the inside (groggy, slow moving, uninspired) but I am now seeing it on the outside (weight gain & wrinkles - the horror).  The thought of going cold turkey of all things "bad but good" forever sounds terrible to me but doing it for a month sounds not only doable but refreshing.  So the month of January is dedicated to The Detox.  What "detox" means to me will be different to what it means to you.  Some of my more enlightened friends don't end their days with a nightcap or two every night.  And they might not eat hamburgers (sans the bun) and french fries a couple of times a week.  Don't judge.  My journey is about small, manageable steps to better my life and my community.  So, small, manageable steps will be taken in my "Detox" (at this point it deserves quotes).  Hopefully these changes will be made and continued on with through the rest of my years.  I know my body would be very happy with me... 

Ashley's "Detox" Plan:
1.  Nightcaps will only be allowed to be consumed on the weekends.  The jury is still out on whether that includes Sunday.  Don't judge.
2.  I will force myself to sweat for at least 45 minutes a day to expel some of these toxins that are screaming to get out.
3.  I will research and perform some kind of cleanse that still allows me to eat food. 
4.  I will make sure the food that I do eat is on the healthy side.
5.  I will keep you posted along the way.

Laissez les bon temps rouler...