Mrs. Brightside

I picked negativity as my Detox goal for this month, and it couldn’t have been a more perfect or timely choice. I haven’t had as much time as I would like to devote to the Blog this month because of health issues with son and my mother, which have left me somewhat overwhelmed and far more ready to bitch and whine than usual. I’ve made every effort to be positive, not only with what I present to others but with my own thoughts and outlook. I read “A Complaint Free World” and have been moving the rubber band from one wrist to another every time I get to urge to throw out something negative and also when I let my mind wander in the wrong direction. Let's just say the latter happens more than I care to admit. I removed myself from a long standing relationship because it was making me miserable, and was so surprised to realize, in the end, I don’t miss that person at all and how much less negativity I feel because of this. I am truly counting my blessings right now, and as dear Ashley reminded me yesterday…I need to let go of the “what if's”, because I can't change anything that has happened, I can only change the outcome.

Peace is Every Step

For the past hour, I have been pacing around my office thinking about what to write for my update post today.  Not really what to write, but how to begin explaining what has been going on this last week.  The past week has been this whirlwind of self-reflection and (hopefully) life changes, so forgive me now if this is a long post.  After reading everyone's January Detox Plan, I realized that when I posted my hopes for this month I wasn't being honest with myself and my plan was rather superficial.  Cutting down on my alcohol intake and hamburger consumption, albeit very important if I want to live a more healthy lifestyle, is not going to change the things that are really toxic in my life.

I saw parts of myself in everyone's plan for this month.  This is not surprising, as you are all very close to me and we all share the good (and the bad) things that bring us together.  I think the one that hit home the most was: Negativity.  For the past two years, I suffered from debilitating anxiety attacks that always hit when I was driving.  Not good when you have your loved ones in the car.  My skin would get really hot, my breathing would get very labored and then I would get close to fainting.  They always manifested when I had no option to exit (ie on a bridge or road construction) and no shoulder to pull over to, so basically I was stuck driving trying to overcome these attacks without killing anyone in the process.  Since they manifested under these certain circumstances, I assumed that maybe I had a fear of being enclosed or controlled that was just popping up late in life.  It took 2 years of self-diagnosing and treating before I realized that the cause was right in front of me and this was just my body's way of saying "HEY, WAKE THE HELL UP & GET OUT OR THIS STRESS IS GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"  Once I realized the cause, the attacks went away.  Although, I have made changes in my life to deal with this cause, I have not fully nipped all the negativity brought on by it in the bud and it is effecting me still.  Not to the extent that it had been but it is still very toxic.  Last week, I realized that although I can't fully omit these people from my life and I certainly can't stop the negativity that is thrown at me on a daily basis by them, I CAN control how I let it effect ME.  In the end, they have NO control over me as much as they wish they could. One would think that this is so obvious, but it is very difficult to not let critisism and mean remarks hurt you.  So what can I do? 

I started by not only acknowledging it but letting these people know that they had no more control over my emotions.  I now am fully in control of how I let others actions effect me and I can feel the difference in my well being and over all state of mind.  I have been smiling more at people and having conversations with strangers that I normally would shrink away from.   The texts certainly haven't stopped but I have been practicing Conscious Breathing to work through the emotion instead of letting it take me over.  I am also working on controlling my own negative thoughts but for the most part I am pretty optimistic. 

My initial goals have definitely taken a back seat to the more important issues but they are still being acknowledge and worked on, manageably.  The drinking has cut down significantly but not been cut off but I will expound on that in another post.  Although, I am still working on it because it is a habit that isn't positive, I have realized that I need to focus on things that are really going to change my life.   I have changed my diet by taking out a large portion of processed foods and I didn't have one hamburger last week. Whoo hoo!  I have included supplements:  a multi vitamin, liquid cholorphyll and aloe vera juice.  I am still researching more supplements that will suit me and my lifestyle.  I have gone to yoga and pilates 3 times in the past week and feel stronger and more centered albeit still very sore.  I have begun reading Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh and I am implementing his teachings into my day to day.  I have quit reading the gossip blogs cold turkey.  And finally, I have started detoxing the house, which might need it more than I do.

Besos...

Debbie Downer

I ended 2009 playing on Facebook. If that’s not a catalyst for change, I don’t know what is…. Oh, well. I ran across an app that showed a summary of my status updates over the past year. I had actually forgotten about writing the majority of them. That led me to look back at my profile; take a little trip down memory lane, if you will. Not a pretty sight. I saw updates about my children, my husband, our finances, relationships, the weather, my life, all cleverly disguised complaints in one way or another. Some of them valid, some of them an attempt to change certain situations without actually stepping up and speaking my mind, but it was unsettling to say the least. From the outside looking in, I must seem like one miserable girl. I decided right then that I need to “detox” negativity out of my life.

Traci’s “Detox” Plan:

• Count my blessings. Literally. I’ve started a numbered list. It’s growing by the day.
• Let go of the toxic relationships I have in my life. I’m a little nervous about this one….but I’ve already started and can’t turn back now.
• Read “A Complaint Free World” (yay, Kindle! I have no excuse not buy it now!) and begin the 21-day challenge. I'm not wearing that rubber bracelet though. A rubber band will do just fine. ;-)
• Tell the people in my life that are responsible for things on my list in Step 1 how much I love and appreciate them. I don’t do it enough.
• Be accountable for and change the behaviors that cause negativity in my life, i.e. say what I mean and mean what I say. I dare say this could be the key.
• I should probably take a step back from Facebook for a while.
  
  This should be interesting.