"Money often costs too much" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve worked hard for what I have and am proud of it. Ok, I’ll rephrase…I worked hard for what I have, except that now I haven’t worked in 3 years and it’s not all mine. And I think about this every single day.

After raising my daughter alone and finally becoming successful enough in my field to start my own business, I met my *amazing* husband and became pregnant 4 months after our wedding. At that point, owning my own business meant I would have the flexibility later on of raising our child without being in daycare full-time as my daughter was. Unfortunately, I was put on total bed rest with him at 14 weeks and remained in bed until his birth. Bye-bye business and bye-bye income, I was forced to shut my business down.

As the “breadwinner”, I planned on returning to work after my son’s birth, but unforeseen health problems with him have kept me home for the past 19 months. I don’t see things letting up in the near future, as he remains under a Dr’s care for many issues at this time. My *amazing* husband has a great job, and has been there for 10 years. He makes a respectable salary and if I were working, things would be great. But, we don’t make nearly enough money to live on as family of four and although he sometimes dislikes his job, he is complacent and not planning to a make a move anytime soon.

I have many blessings that I did not before, but it is so very, very hard on me. I want to work. I need the stimulation of a professional environment, not to mention interaction with other people. I want to give my children all of things they want and deserve. I want to know that all of our bills are paid on time, every month and that there is money left over. I want to go shopping just once, just for me. I want to sell my townhome and buy a house with a yard, and give my children room to roam and have friends over without being embarrassed; it’s hard to keep up in this community. I want health insurance for myself. I want to travel again, I haven’t been out of our city in 3 years.

I am making little steps, I have paid off every bit of outstanding debt that we owe (excluding my townhome) in hopes of obtaining a mortgage on one income. My kids are well cared for, we have paid off both of our vehicles. I coupon like a champ and often challenge myself to see how much I can save each week. I remain in contact with many people from my previous industry and make sure to keep our relationships open and friendly. I am exploring options of how to work at home.

My goal for this month…try, try, try not to worry so much. Or find a prescription for Xanax. Just kidding. I am going to try to find a way to generate some more income for our family and hopefully put me, my children and my *amazing* husband just one step further in the right direction.