Love, Me

I started Feb off wondering exactly what I could do to feel love and show love, as I’ve been struggling with this for years. I haven’t forgotten about it, it has been solidly on my mind throughout the past month. We have been going through tests for my 18 mo old son to figure out an illness that just started the end of Jan. What we were initially told was likely seizure disorder has now been ruled out and we are looking a possible diagnosis of a form of Palsy, due to a traumatic emergency delivery and that he stopped breathing after he was born. The also said his development, which due to prematurity we follow on a "corrected age" of -6 weeks, has now been delayed to -12 weeks. We will spend the next month taking him for more tests and assessments and will have to wait until April to know what is really happening in his little body. My husband and I are beyond frustrated, because I have seen him seize and tremor and shake now for 5 weeks with no answers and no way to stop it. My daughter is terrified and scared she’s going to “hurt” him. But, I have to say the love and support I have received from the few friends and family members I have shared this with has overwhelmed me. We are truly blessed and we will get through this, and our support system is nothing short of amazing.

Another thing that happened this month and gave me some new perspective is through the unfortunate loss of an Uncle, the family that I’ve not been in touch with since my (2nd) Dad passed away 3 years ago was reunited and it’s like we never were apart. What got me the most was this: though my Aunt and Uncle were older, they were high school sweethearts and they still lived with one another. Over the past years, his health had declined and her mental capacity had declined as well. When he passed away last weekend, she didn’t even know he had died, because she hadn’t known they were even in the same room, in the same home or even eating at the same table for quite a while. He was just a new face every evening when they sat down. Since she was unable to attend the funeral, they read one of many love letters she had written to him over the years as her part of the eulogy. Their daughter said that her Dad had saved all of them, because he knew that love for him was still inside of her and that he would read them from time to time. Man…that hit me so hard. Even if we get too busy to say it every day, I feel it and the people that I love deserve to know it. So, Shelly…thank you for posting the link on how to write a love letter before Valentine’s Day, because for the first time in my life, I wrote one to my husband. He cried when he read it. And hopefully, we won’t ever be sitting at the dinner table together and not recognize one another, but if so, he can pull out that letter and know that even though I wrote it years before, that very love is still inside of me.

XOXO

I have had a terrific morning with my boys so far. Homemade cards and hand dipped long-stemmed strawberries started my morning off right. I found these beautiful strawberries at Whole Foods and melted a lovely block of bittersweet chocolate and let them set. I dipped some banana for the little monkey in the house.

Hubby surprised me Friday night with a Flip Ultra video recorder and as expected a sentimental andthoughtful love letter that made me cry. It's a funny thing because I always have to read his letters out loud in front of him because I cannot always read his handwriting...it's very unique, and so I stumble through it getting emotional and he has to finish some words for me which is a good thing when you're teary-eyed.

I did give my man a love letter of my own, recalling a time when we were saying goodbye as friends and we kissed, but it was different and I knew our friendship had blossomed into something more. I can still feel the energy from that moment and how marvelous I felt knowing that we had passed the threshhold of just being friends into something more. I walked away from that moment into the rain and walked a mile home enjoying the rain and smiling all the way. Soaking wet, but very happy.

Love wins!!!

Well, I am finally able to blog about a topic that I know so much and yet so little about.  

What I do know about love, I learned from my parents.  They have an amazing devotion to one another that reminds me often that "true love" does exist.  Even in their late 50's, they have been known to show P.D.A.  Is not rare for my mom to say, "Look at your Daddy, isn't he the most handsome man you've ever seen?"  Or for my dad to swing her around in the kitchen, into the cradle of his arm and kiss her lovingly.  Oh, and you should see them dance.............

My parents have said countless times, "We love you kids tremendously and we'd die for each and every one of you, but I love your Mom/Dad even more."  I think that this may have been their "secret".  No matter what, they were a "team".  It was the two of them against the world..and sometimes their own children.  

My sister's and I have said numerous times, "I want to find a man like my Dad."  But, we need to remember that my dad loves the way that he loves because my mom deserves this treatment. She is loyal and respectful, cuddly and kind, & she expects respect and patience from the man she trusted with her heart 37 years ago.  I  hope that I can be like her toward the man that I am destined to fall madly in love with.

My parents also taught us that true love IS out there.  We just can't rush it or settle.  At times, I have considered it somewhat of a plague, to grow up in an environment so rich with affection, loyalty, patience and devotion.  I have wondered if they set the bar too high. Does this kind of love and respect still exist in our generation? I have been baffled that I haven't found it yet.  I have dreamed about and hoped for it for many, many years.  I even thought that I had found it on a few occasions.....but I still haven't come close to finding the kind of love that my parents share.  

However, a few years ago, I came across the book that not only opened my eyes about romantic love, but taught me how to show "love" to my friends, family members and even strangers. Don Miguel Luis's "The Mastery of Love" is the ONE book that I recommend to everyone I can and I have given away more copies than I can count.   It will open your eyes and heart to the true meaning of love and how to recognize and exemplify love to all the people in your life.  I believe that every person who reads that book will find enlightenment.  I realized that though I may not have found the love of my life yet, I can live lovingly.

**** I am going to post some of my favorite poems, quotes, lyrics and stories that I have collected in my journals over the years.....as you might have gathered, I have always had a thing for "love".......

"You can whip it & and beat it senseless, you can drag it through the streets and spit on it, you can even dangle it from a tree, drive spikes trough it, and drain the last breath from it, but in the end, no matter what you do and no matter how hard try to kill it, LOVE wins."

Charles Martin, Wrapped In Rain

Love Letters

I have received too many love letters to count over the past 9 years from my writer husband. I find them stashed in different places from time to time when I least expect them. I wish I was more organized and had them all together, but it's nice to open a drawer where the extra table linens are and find a handwritten card from 2003 or a sweet birthday greeting tucked into a paperback book on the shelf.

I ran across the useful item below today on Daily Candy and thought maybe I could use some of the tips to create my own love letter to my man for V-day. I never know what to buy for him besides candy and in this day and time, free is wonderful and a personal touch is priceless. I hope he will appreciate it as much as his words mean to me after all these years together.

http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Love-Letter