Love wins!!!

Well, I am finally able to blog about a topic that I know so much and yet so little about.  

What I do know about love, I learned from my parents.  They have an amazing devotion to one another that reminds me often that "true love" does exist.  Even in their late 50's, they have been known to show P.D.A.  Is not rare for my mom to say, "Look at your Daddy, isn't he the most handsome man you've ever seen?"  Or for my dad to swing her around in the kitchen, into the cradle of his arm and kiss her lovingly.  Oh, and you should see them dance.............

My parents have said countless times, "We love you kids tremendously and we'd die for each and every one of you, but I love your Mom/Dad even more."  I think that this may have been their "secret".  No matter what, they were a "team".  It was the two of them against the world..and sometimes their own children.  

My sister's and I have said numerous times, "I want to find a man like my Dad."  But, we need to remember that my dad loves the way that he loves because my mom deserves this treatment. She is loyal and respectful, cuddly and kind, & she expects respect and patience from the man she trusted with her heart 37 years ago.  I  hope that I can be like her toward the man that I am destined to fall madly in love with.

My parents also taught us that true love IS out there.  We just can't rush it or settle.  At times, I have considered it somewhat of a plague, to grow up in an environment so rich with affection, loyalty, patience and devotion.  I have wondered if they set the bar too high. Does this kind of love and respect still exist in our generation? I have been baffled that I haven't found it yet.  I have dreamed about and hoped for it for many, many years.  I even thought that I had found it on a few occasions.....but I still haven't come close to finding the kind of love that my parents share.  

However, a few years ago, I came across the book that not only opened my eyes about romantic love, but taught me how to show "love" to my friends, family members and even strangers. Don Miguel Luis's "The Mastery of Love" is the ONE book that I recommend to everyone I can and I have given away more copies than I can count.   It will open your eyes and heart to the true meaning of love and how to recognize and exemplify love to all the people in your life.  I believe that every person who reads that book will find enlightenment.  I realized that though I may not have found the love of my life yet, I can live lovingly.

**** I am going to post some of my favorite poems, quotes, lyrics and stories that I have collected in my journals over the years.....as you might have gathered, I have always had a thing for "love".......

"You can whip it & and beat it senseless, you can drag it through the streets and spit on it, you can even dangle it from a tree, drive spikes trough it, and drain the last breath from it, but in the end, no matter what you do and no matter how hard try to kill it, LOVE wins."

Charles Martin, Wrapped In Rain

1984

26 years ago today, my Mom woke me up after my father had left for work, ate breakfast and went to school. That afternoon I received a message from the office that I needed to go home with my cousins on their bus. This was the day that my life changed. At the age of 39, my father had unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack. He had been away on a 2 week business trip and arrived home too late the night before to tuck me into bed. The next year is a blur, different people handle things different ways and our mother was no exception. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing the absence of love….the need for love….the desire to love. And it was devastating slew of emotions for a child of 9 to process.

I have two amazing children, one of whom I raised alone for 10 years ( she is now age 12) and the other who held on through a life threatening pregnancy and has had endured his share of health issues as a result (he is now 17 months). I have a husband who has embraced my daughter and stood by my side throughout everything we have been through. He is my rock, he is my best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I have an ex-husband who I dated throughout college, and very briefly married as a result of my pregnancy. And after 12 rocky years, we get along and spend time and holidays together with our daughter, my husband and my son. I have a mother whom I adore. She is funny, beautiful and amazing with all she has endured. I had the blessing of a “second chance father” (I don’t use the term Stepfather for him), who not only loved my mother, but he loved my child more that a person could imagine and touched everyone he ever met. He tragically passed away 3 years ago. I have a brother that I am extremely close to and a stepsister who I wish I could be closer to. And I have an abundance of friends that I love, admire and hold close to my heart.

And yet, even with all of these blessings and after all this time, I find myself incredible uneasy with the "idea" love. I don’t express sentiment easily. I don’t believe that adults need “best friends”. I don’t hug. I am fearful of loss. I am fearful of letting myself love. My walls are high and I am aware of that. I’m not quite sure where to start on this month’s journey, but I’m ready for it. To be continued….